Maximum Ride Parody: The Convicts
by Pugz
Summary: Books one to three re-written into one epic bite size read. Max is the leader of five unusual kids, hidden safely away in the mountains; but Ari tracks them down for leaving in the middle of a game of hide and seek, and he's very angry!
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own a damn thing! But if I did the books would be SO much better!**

Hi-ho! I was reading New Moan (Twilight Parody) last night and that, mixed with the fact that someone had fears of MR becoming a joke when the film was made, inspired me to write a parody. I'm hoping to do books 1-3, then start fresh with 4-6 (I dread re-reading 4 and 5 T.T).

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy :)

Oh, and shameless advertising for MRUBC FTW!

* * *

Maximum Ride Parody: The Convicts

Prologue

"Congratulations. The fact that you're reading this means you've taken one giant step to surviving till your next birthday."

"You need to speak up, Max," Iggy sighs.

"Stop looking at your lines – look at us instead," Nudge adds.

"You really should memorise them." Angel nods and Fang nods with her.

"You don't sound...Max enough."

"But I _am_ Max!" I stamp my foot.

"They're not going to believe you," He sighs. "If you want to succeed in the voting cycles, then you're going to have to do better than that to impress the folks at **Maximum Ride User Based Casting**." Fang turns his head to look into the camera I was going to use, conveniently set to record, his face passive and his tone neutral. "That's right, **Maximum Ride User Based Casting** – prove you've got what it takes to play on of the flock at **Maximum Ride User Casting dot Ning dot com**."

I shake my head and look to Gazzy. "Don't you have anything to add?"

He grins, pulls his own finger and a green smog fills the room.

* * *

Chapter One

_I could think of better things to do with my time at this particular moment; I could be reading a good book, kicking the crap out of Fang or I could be discovering the cure for cancer, or the meaning of life._

_I could be, but I wasn't._

_No, instead of doing those awesome things I decided to spend my free time running through a thick forest, cutting myself on every thorny bush I came across, stubbing my toes on roots and stepping in what I'm going to call mud – it was not a huge, stinking pile of...well...it's not that, ok? The howls close by urge me on; the fear of being in the wrong novel and set as the main character in a crappy romance book, where choosing between two love interests causes me to commit either necrophilia or bestiality, sends the adrenaline pumping. I will not be that kind of main character. I break into the clearing and skid to a halt at the edge of the cliff. Behind me, the Erasers, half-man half-beast, move in._

"_Come on, Max." Ugly Eraser grins, holding up his rifle. "We only want to play tag...with our bullets."_

"_Dude, what are you doing?" Uglier Eraser sighs. "We don't have lines in this scene."_

"_We don't?"_

"_He's right, Dave." Three times as ugly as the other two, agrees. "This is just the opening sequence to the actual plot which follows the prologue; we're just supposed to howl and snarl."_

"_Oh man, I really blew it." Dave drops his rifle and places his head in his clawed hands. "I'm sorry guys," he mutters and looks up to me. "Sorry, Max."_

_I stare blankly as the other two pat him on the back and nod slowly, letting my wings unfurl. "That's ok; I'm...erm, just going to fly away now, ok?"_

"_Ok." Dave nods. "Sorry again."_

_I nod once more and leap off the edge, letting the wind catch my wings and I fly as far away from those crazy Erasers as possible._

"Oh my God!" I bolt upright in my bed. A thin sheen of sweat coated my skin, my breath was ragged and...I think I've wet myself. "That dream was less dramatic than usual!"

I clean myself up before heading into the kitchen to find some food. To do this I have to step through the crap the Flock leaves around our W-shaped house; it was E-shaped but we grew tired of the look, tipped the house on its side and did some re-modelling. In the kitchen, the cupboards are completely bare, Jeb never got around to painting them – oh, there's not much food in them either.

"G'morning..." Gazzy, Spawn of Sat – I mean Angel's (age six) older brother (age eight), pads into the room. He's a cute kid, but is digestive system...Yuck. I've considered bottling it and selling it to the military to put food on the table. "What's for breakfast?"

"I'm looking for something to make." I smile and his eyes widen in terror. I'm about to lecture him on the fact that my cooking is _not_ that bad, and that last weeks Lizard Pie Surprise was _not_ the cause of our sickness, when something comes crashing down the stairs.

"Holy crap," Iggy (age fourteen) hisses and rubs his back. "What did I slip on?"

My gaze travels from Iggy to the banana peel on the next step down from the top; it was on the top step when I came down – I managed to avoid it – but Iggy's blind, so he wasn't so lucky. I shrug nonchalantly. "Banana peel."

"It's impossible to slip on a single banana peel." Iggy's unseeing eyes narrow at me...Or they would be if he were looking in my direction and not at the wall. "Mythbusters proved it."

"Are you ok to cook?" Gazzy leads him to the kitchen. "Cause if you're not, Max will have too..."

"I can't let that happen, not after last week." I hear Iggy say as he closes the kitchen door behind him.

"It's wasn't _that_ bad!" I scream.

"It was worse than that." Fang (fourteen) startles me, so I whirl around and punch him in the solar plexus.

"Quit doing that!"

"I'd make some...smart-assed remark about...breathing," he wheezes. "But...I can't anyway..."

"Serves you ri – what happened to you're hair?" I stare at the short, uneven black locks.

"It was too long, I decided to cut it."

It did used to be long, longer than mine, but now it looked like..."You did a crap job of it." I say sweetly and make my way back upstairs. "I'm going to wake the girls, be a dear and set the table."

Nudge (eleven) shares a room with Angel, I get my own room because I'm the oldest fourteen year old and Flock leader – I don't care about the boys arrangements. Nudge is tangled in her covers asleep, it's the only time she's ever quiet; the rest of the time I want to rip her voice box out because she never shuts up. I tiptoe over to her bed and give it a swift kick. "Rise and shine!"

"Fang's mine, bitch!" She bolts upright and then gazes at me. "Oh, morning Max."

My brow rises. "Morning. Erm, breakfast in ten."

"Ok." She smiles sheepishly and goes to wash up. I turn to the shadowed area in the far corner of the room, in the darkness I can make out an altar hidden behind a thin black curtain; the aura emitting from it seeps into my veins and turns them to ice. Still, I swallow my fear and slowly step closer to the curtain. I will not let her know that I, the leader, am spooked by a creepy six year old. "Angel," I say softly and a strange, deep roar shakes the room as she yawns. "Time to get up, sweetie." I reach out to the curtain, my hand shaking as it inches towards it, and gently push it aside.

"Morning, Max." Angel smiles sweetly, brushing her blonde hair from her blue eyes. Don't let the looks fool you, she's pure evil. I hate her.

"I hate you too, Max." She smiles tightly, hops off the stone altar covered in black silk, and heads downstairs for breakfast. The creepiest thing about Angel?

She's a demonic mind reader.

* * *

Yay! Chapter one done :) And Mythbusters rule!


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT OWN. WISH I DID.

I've noticed these chapters are coming out kind of short...but I guess since I'm merging three books, it should be ok.

I got a review, thanks for that! :)

* * *

Chapter Two

"I want to pick strawberries," Angel announces while we're eating breakfast, which Iggy had managed to make – even though I was sure there was no food.

"Maybe another day, sweetie," I say around some egg, which was kind of small. "Iggy, I thought we were out of eggs, where did you get these?"

"Erm...no where special." He shrugs. "I didn't fly out of the window to a bird's nest and steal some poor momma bird's eggs."

I nod. "That's alright then."

Next to me, Angel is seething. "I said I want to pick strawberries!" Her voice lowers into a demonic pitch and she slams her fist on the table. We all go quiet and stare at her.

"I'll go with you." Gazzy manages a nervous smile, but when he's nervous he lets rip and poor Iggy is sat next him; he passes out immediately, falling out of the chair.

"We'll all go..." Nudge scoots away from Angel. "Right, Max?"

"Sure...Fang could you give Iggy CPR?"

He shrugs, steps around the table, and begins CPR. After a minute, Iggy wraps his arms and legs around him and the pair begin moaning; Gazzy tilts his head to the side and watches on, confused, while Nudge turns away muttering something about her worst nightmare come true. Gazzy shoots me a puzzled look. "Max, what are they doing?"

"Well Gazzy." I begin. "When two men love each other _very_ much, their pants get _very_ tight and - "

"STOP!" Nudge shrieks.

I roll my eyes at her and smile gently at Gazzy. "Either way, that's not CPR, don't worry about it."

* * *

With our buckets and baskets, we head out to our wild strawberry patch. Angel is skipping along happily at my side, and then suddenly dives into a bush; I'm not too worried about the sudden change in direction, she can be eaten by a mountain lion for all I care.

"Where is she going?" Nudge comes up to my other side. "There's bear traps in the woods and stuff, she could get hurt, maybe we should follow her. Oh look, a raven, did you know some people think they're bad luck? And some guy a long time ago wrote a poem with one in it, I saw it on The Simpsons once."

"I hope she hasn't gone to find more lizards," Iggy groans. "I don't want to taste that Lizard Surprise Pie again any time soon."

"It was not that bad!" I whirl around, fist clenched and Iggy leaps behind Fang, pointing at Gazzy. My eyes narrow as he smiles sweetly; I know it was him but it's so hard to stay mad – he's just so cute. "You need to stop mimicking the Flock," I say and gently pinch his cheeks. "I may accidently kill one of them one day."

"Max, look what I have!" Angel pokes her head out of the bushes and holds up a dead rabbit. "I just killed it; can we have it for dinner?"

I'm about to say no when a figure seemingly emerges from a large bush behind her like a ghost and grabs her by the arms. "Looks like you're about to get a taste of your own medicine." I fold my arms and more figures leap out of the trees to surround us. I freeze and look around. They're Erasers, camouflage coloured Erasers.

"Hello, Max." One suddenly stands up, right in front of me. "It's nice to see you again."

"Do I know you?" I take a step back and give it another once over.

"It has been long time, Max. I guess I've grown some."

My eyes grow wide with horror. Somehow, that simple line, with no actual hint what so ever, has made me realise who he is. "Ari?"

"That's right." He grins, flashing his dangerous canine like teeth. "I've come for my revenge on you and your stupid Flock." He snaps his fingers and the others charge to attack. My Flock is useless in battle without me, their strong leader, to help them; but Ari grabs my arm before I move. "This is payback for leaving during a game of hide and seeks!" He snarls. "I was in that store room for two hours! And when someone finally found me, it was to tell me that Dad had left with _you_!"

"Boo-freaking-hoo." My eyes narrow. "At least you have parents you twisted freak!" That little quip earns me a hard knee to the gut, and I drop like a sack of bricks.

"We're taking the kid, old buddy, and I'll let you in on a little secret." He leans in close. "We're doing you a favour, _we're_ the good guys." The last thing I feel after that is a heavy boot to the head.

* * *

"I think she's dead," Fang says evenly.

"She can't be dead," Nudge sobs. "She's our leader; we need her to clean the house, and tuck me in at night, and protect me when Angel tries to sacrifice me to Beelzebub..."

"Great." Iggy sounds a little too chipper. "Let's leave her for the bears."

I growl, and my hand shoots up to his neck. "What was that!"

"ACK! Nothing, oh great leader," he chokes.

Gazzy, sobbing by a tree, suddenly wails, "They have my sister!"

I slowly sit up and study my Flock; they're all pretty beat up with various bruises and claw marks. No Angel...that does sound nice. "Well, I guess Ari was doing us a favour."

"That's not fair, Max," Gazzy snaps. "Evil or not, she's part of our family!"

Nudge nods in agreement. "He's right, and Jeb told us to look out for each other."

I look to Fang, who also nods, and groan. "Ok, fine. We'll go get her."

"We don't know where they took her." Iggy reminds us and I jump to my feet.

"Actually, we do. I don't particularly want to go back there _just_ for Angel, but Gazzy keeps looking at me with those huge eyes." Damn those huge eyes, they're a bit like puppy dog eyes, yet somehow so much cuter. The Flock shoot me a puzzled expression and I take a deep, overly dramatic breath. "They've taken her back to The School, in California."

There are three gasps and one neutral expression. Nudge bursts in tears and Gazzy clings to Iggy for support. "They weren't supposed to find us," he mutters.

Iggy runs his hand through his strawberry blonde hair, and wraps his free arm around Gazzy. "They did, they were always going to."

We all have a reason to hate that place, but The School made Iggy blind while trying to give him x-ray vision. Those geeks read WAY too many comics. "You two aren't going." Lucky bastards. "Gazzy, you're only eight and we're going to be flying for long hours; and Iggy...well, you wanted to leave me for the bears, it's as simple as that."

"That's not fair!" Iggy snarls. "Jeb would never - "

"I don't care about Jeb! He's dead; he has been for four years!"

"I don't want to go!" Nudge wails.

"You have to come; Fang and I won't stand a chance on our own!" I snap. "Do I have to start smacking heads together?" The three of them shake their heads and I smile smugly. "Good. We leave in ten."

* * *

Angel was not a happy demonic girl. The dog crate, even though it was a medium, was _not_ big enough for her. She sat, facing the crate door, with her arms folded and glared at the three White Coats cowering in the corner.

_Wings, white. Girl, scary._

Angel's gaze shifted to another experiment across the room. "Shut up or I'll rip out your heart," she threatened in her demonic tone. The White Coats stiffened.

"So that's her." The first White Coat stared in awe. "Experiment six-six-six."

"It is." White Coat Nine nodded. "Just as the Director's notes described."

"How are we going to test it?" White Coat Fifty-Six asked, looking between them.

"We'll...have to give her the sedative," White Coat Nine suggested and one of the others produced the needle. "You expect me to do it?"

"You suggested it!" The first White Coat pressed it into his hand and shoved him towards the crate.

"Bring it, sucker." Angel's demonic tone was back and she grinned maliciously.

"Nice bird-kid," White Coat Nine soothed. "Good bird-kid." He eased open the crate door while pulling the cap of the needle with his teeth. "I'm just going to give you a little injection." He reached inside and Angel thrust her hand into his chest.

"I'm Avian-American." She snarled and ripped out his still beating heart.

* * *

I'll try to make them longer, but it is pretty late here and at the moment and i'm trying to watch a film at the same time xD


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT OWN. CANNOT SUE!

That rhymed :D

* * *

Chapter Three

"I say she's alive and she does care!" Nudge screams across the sky at me. I growl for the billionth time since we set off and look to Fang for support; he has his fingers in his ears – and is whistling the Teen Titans theme.

So much for being my helpful second in command.

When returned to the house for the map leading to The School, which dead Jeb had conveniently left for us to find in his old desk, Nudge has also found her picture on one of the other files; she now claims that she is called Monique and that her parents are alive in Tipsico. I'm trying to convince her that she's wrong.

"It's a lie, Nudge!"

"Monique!" she corrects.

"What – freaking – ever," I sigh. "You're being delusional, but whatever..."

"Max, I'm hungry," she suddenly complains in that annoying whiney tone.

"Suck it up; we still have a long way to go. I'm not hungry either." My stomach then decides to argue with that statement. I glare down at it. "Quiet you! You have no say in this!" Fang sniggers and my glare switched to him. "Got any smart ideas?"

He looks down in thought. I'd comment on how amazingly weird it is that he can be so calm in serious life or death situations; like the time I chased him around the mountains with a kitchen knife for going through my 'private' draw, he ran for his life, but didn't shriek like a little girl once – most men would have. I could make that kind of comment, with all kinds of words that would make him seem like a God, but I won't; It might hint at something.

I follow his gaze to the mountains below. According to my Internal Map of the States (because I, with my limited education, can name them all) those would be the San Francisco Peaks. Our eyes meet and his lips twitch into a smirk – he's not used to facial expressions, they can be difficult for him. "Ski slopes," I say and he nods. "It's summer time, no one will be there, maybe they have something valuable we can pawn off."

"Or food!" Nudge squeals happily. Fang and I cringe and the sound.

I rub my temples. _I cannot kill Nudge, I cannot kill Nudge_. I mentally chant and dive down, circling wide over a set of cabins, finding one snugly hidden away from the others. There's no car parked in the drive, no smoke swirling out of the chimney. "Perfect!" We land in the trees and double check that we're alone before trotting towards the cabin. I couldn't see a security system anywhere and pulled out my pocket knife (which you will never see me use again) as I make my way to a window screen.

"Max," Nudge calls me.

"Shush!" I hiss. "Someone might hear you, big mouth."

"But there's a note on the front door."

"What?" My head snaps to her and I go to look. Fang's beaten me to it and pulls the A4 sheet off the wall.

"If there are any bird-hybrid children travelling to rescue a member of their Flock, please feel free to use this cabin; take what you need, including any valuables. They key is under the mat," Fang reads in that placid tone of his.

"How nice." Nudge beams.

What are the odds? I kneel down and lift the mat, finding a small key there; I slot it into the door when Fang speaks up again.

"P.S: Don't worry about the body in the bathtub, that's just my cheating wife. She deserved what was coming to her, the selfish credit card maxing, bad cooking, car scratching, lazy, short skirt wearing whore who shows off her cleavage to any man who looks in her direction. She's slept with my boss, the milkman, my best friend, the Priest who did our wedding – on our wedding day – the caterers too..." Fang turns the page over and scans it. "It just goes on like that. A huge list of people – whoa, the President!"

Well, isn't she the naughty wicked witch of the west? I turn the key and push the door open; ignoring the smell of decaying flesh, which hit us instantly. "Let's leave the door open for a while..." Fang nods and Nudge dry heaves into the bushes. Inside, there is dust everywhere, layers thick, covering all the valuable stuff. There are also sticky notes everywhere. I grin. "Jackpot. Fang, you and I will look for some food; Nudge, you search the rooms for jewellery, watches, a safe – anything – just don't touch that body."

"Alright." She takes a deep breath of fresh air and holds it, making her way to the back bedrooms. Fang and I raid the kitchen; the cupboards have tins of food, a packet of pop tarts and a nine millimetre hidden in a box of Captain Crunch.

I grab a tin and look at the sticky note attached to it. "Eat me."

"What?" Fang's brow rises at me. He's just been looking in the pantry.

I show him the tin. "It says 'eat me' on it."

"Oh...I thought you were...Never mind." He shakes his head and pulls out a bottle of orange soda. "Who loves Orange Soda?"

I'm about to quote one of my favourite lines when we hear thud in the bedroom. "Nudge?" I frown and storm through the hallway; how dare she interrupt me when I'm about to quote a line from one of the best shows of the 90's? Much better than that Hannah Montana crap, or the Jonahs Brothers – who sell sex to kids through song but it seems so innocents because they are a product of Disney. I'm coming off track here. We find Nudge sprawled out on her back, blue in the face, with various necklaces in her hand. "Geez, she can't even do one simple task," I mutter and follow the smell of death to the bathroom. The door is wide open for me to clearly see the body of a massively chested blonde woman, with a bullet wound in her chest, decaying in the bloody water; a sticky note with 'kill me' written in blood is stuck to her head. How charming.

"We're just leaving her?" Fang asks.

My nose scrunches up in disgust. "I'm not touching that."

"No, Nudge."

Oh. Her. "Yeah, why not?" I shrug. "Let's eat."

* * *

"Ready?" Iggy asked, holding the huge weight.

"Ready!" Gazzy grinned.

"HEAVE!" The pair gave the bed one last push and Gazzy watched it fall from the window, crashing against the side of the cliff and smashing into huge pieces of wood. "That's everyone's." Iggy dusted his hands off. "But what did you find under Fang's mattress?"

"Naked pictures of you and Max." Gazzy shrugged.

"Of Max!" Iggy growled. "He is _so_ cut off for the rest of his life! And I'm going to destroy his porn collection while I'm at it!"

Gazzy's eyes grew wide. "He said he was going to give that to me!" he whined. "Please don't! Besides, we have more important things to worry about."

Iggy's brow furrowed. "Like what?"

"Max left us here because she thought we wouldn't be any use to her – but what if the Erasers come back? They took Angel not too far from here."

"Good point." Iggy agreed and Gazzy grinned. "But what do we do?"

"Do what we do best!" He led Iggy back downstairs to the kitchen, grabbing a pen and paper along the way. "Sabotage and make bombs!"

"Bombs make the world cower in fear." Iggy grinned. "Remember that one I made last year? Took the peak right off the mountain."

"Do you think we could find nuclear schematics on the net?"

"You can find anything on the net." Iggy rolled his eyes. "Do we still have that plutonium?"

"Under Angel's bed."

"Well that's going to explain a few things for later on in the book."

* * *

Sometimes, being a demonic mind reader only got you so far. Angel had managed to escape from the dog crate; she had tossed the body of the White Coat aside and calmly strolled out of the room. Panicked screams echoes around the building and to jumbled, incoherent thoughts of the other scientists had made it difficult to concentrate on one single person; it had allowed one stupidly brave White Coat to jab her with the needle from behind.

When Angel came too, she found herself firmly strapped to a bed, surrounded by scientists who were reciting lines from the bible in Latin; White Coat Three Thousand Eight Hundred and Sixty-Two, AKA: Reilly, led them; he was a Priest turned scientist turned Priest once more when he had set his eyes on the far from innocent Angel. She glared at him, and vocally promised him a slow death.

"Your threats do not scare me, demon!" Reilly, dressed in his Priest garb, sneered. "Let us pray." He opened the Bible he was holding and cleared his throat. "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name."

"You Lord has forsaken you!" Angel roared, but the prayer continued.

"Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is Heaven."

"Your mother is in here, Reilly." Angel grinned. "She says to stop being a whiney bitch and get a real job."

"Quiet, heathen!" Reilly sneered.

"Heathen? Me?" Angel tilted her head to the side. "You denounced your faith after sleeping with that newly wedded woman – you know the one – you quit the church for her and when she dumped you, you chose to damn the Lord's creations by creating _freaks_. For that, you shall burn in Hell!"

"It's not true! I repent!"

"It's too late to repent," she chuckled darkly. "I've been sent by the Lord to kill you!"

* * *

My awesomely soft pillow is unusually not awesome. Why is it not all soft and...awesome? I growl, sit up slightly and give it a good punch.

Actually, I punch Fang in the stomach. Whoops.

We'd crashed out on the couch after pigging out on canned food and Orange Soda, and at some point I must have decided to use him as a pillow; now he's kneeling on the floor trying to keep his liver down. Outside, it was dark, but the sun was trying to peer over the trees to greet us to another crappy day of saving Angel. I yawn, getting to my feet, and walk into the bedroom to wake Nudge; she's still sprawled out on her back and I take the necklaces from her hand before kicking her in the side.

"OW! Not so rough, Fang..." she whines, rolls onto her side and finally opens her eyes. "Max's shoe..." she mutters sleepily.

"Max's foot, actually," I tell her, my hands on my hips. "And it'll be up your nose if you don't get a move on."

At that, she bolts upright then covers her nose, remembering the smell lingering around the cabin. I've forgotten all about it. "How long have I been out?"

"Oh..." I look to the clock on the wall. "Ten hours. Time to go."

"What about food?"

I roll my eyes and yank her to her feet by the arm. "We've eaten. Now _move_." I shove her towards the door and glare at Fang when we step back onto the living room; he's still rubbing his stomach but he's got enough brains to pack the bag with food. "Oh, walk it off." I shove him out of the door and drag Nudge after me.

He looks back at the cabin. "We're not locking up? What about the body?"

"Let the animals have it." I make a running start and take off into the sky; the others follow, Nudge hitting a tree as she does, and we've made up some time before the sun rises.

"There's still four hours to go," Fang says. "Maybe a little more. So what's the plan so rescue Angel?"

"I was wondering that too..." Nudge banks up to me. "There are only three of us and a bazillion of them. Do you plan to steal a truck and drive it through the building?"

_Only if it kills you_.

"We should have gotten Iggy and Gazzy to make us bombs before we left, we could have used them...maybe we shouldn't have left them behind..."

I tune her out. Knowing Angel, she's probably giving those White Coats hell, so I'm hoping she'll be able to save herself; I'm just going to get her because, after really thinking about it, we can't have her going off and destroying the world now, can we? In addition, if by some off chance I do have to go in to save her, and there is no other option, I will righteously surrender myself so the others can escape; because that is what good leaders do.

"Max! I'm _still_ hungry!"

On second thought, I'll just give them Nudge.

* * *

I've learnt something while writing this. Bazillion is a word recognised by Word, chested is not. WTF?


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for all the faves and things! I love it when writing makes people happy!

* * *

Chapter Four

Do you know what else is so awesome about me – I mean us? Raptor vision. Me, way, way up high in the clouds, could see you all the way down on the ground – with your boring cars, and your boring schools and your _very_ boring lives. I find a spot to zoom in on, a small house with an outside pool and –

A fat man skinny-dipping! "God, my eyes!" I slap my hands over them and Fang snorts.

"The fat guy getting into the pool?"

"Yup, and I'm trying to erase it from my memory, thank you very much." I rub my eyes and glare at him. "Why aren't you mentally scarred for life?"

He shrugs. "Walked in on Jeb naked once."

"You say that so nonchalantly..." I frown. How can he be so calm about it? He has to be some kind of robot! I dare to look down again and concentrate on a group of kids below; it looked like a girl surrounded by a bunch of boys. Now, I'm not being sexist or anything, I live in a house with three boys and I can kick all their asses, but those down there looked kind of threatening. I look to Fang and open my mouth.

"No," He says. I frown, look down and then back at him. "_No_," his says firmly.

"Wait, why am I asking _you_ for permission? _I'm_ the freaking leader her!"

"What's going on?" Nudge decides to stick her nose in my business.

"Max wants to go play Superman." Fang rolls his eyes.

"Wonder Woman." My eyes narrow and I begin to bank wide.

"Oh, remember that time you found an injured rabbit and we kept it in the box in the kitchen until it was better? You were going to set it free...until Angel ripped its head off. Is it something like that?"

"Kind of..." I roll my eyes. "I'll be ten minutes, if the writer permits it; but if I'm any longer, meet me at Lake Mead."

**

* * *

The thing about Iggy was that he was smart, super smart at times, and Max and James Patterson just seem to neglect that fact; he makes weapons off mass destruction out of radios and alarm clocks for God sakes! And he does it **_**blind**_**, if that isn't genius I don't know what is!**

"Can we get back on track?"

**Sorry, Iggy. The world just needs to know how awesome you are.**

The thing about Iggy was that he could figure things out like a real scientist; he was just that smart.

"YEOWCH!"

However, that does not mean he doesn't electrocute himself on some occasions, even the best geniuses have off days.

"Ha-ha, your hair is standing on end," Gazzy laughed. Iggy frowned and jabbed Gazzy with the live wire.

"Ha-ha, so is yours!" He grinned. "What colour is this anyway?"

"Red." Gazzy shook his head and flexed his fingers until the feeling came back.

"Oh, I wanted the yellow one – pass me it, will you?"

Gazzy passed him the wire and consulted the schematics they had downloaded from Terrorists-R-Us after Iggy had unfrozen the fan of the CPU. He had frozen it in the first place to keep Max from deleting his and Fang's collection of porn videos, so it was a snap to do. "Ok, all we need is a timing device."

Iggy smiled and Gazzy inched his chair away from him; that smile was never a good one. "Go get me Fang's alarm clock, the Hannah Montana one; it's about time that bitch blew up."

* * *

I landed hard on the ground and had to run to stop myself face planting the ground...but I end up face planting a tree instead. Let's not tell Fang about that. I tuck my wings in tightly so they sat on either side of my spine; and that's it, I make no attempt to cover them with a jacket or anything and consider it to be 'perfectly normal'. I round the corner of a warehouse to find four guys, around sixteen, surround a girl who looked about twelve. The girl was wearing tight black leather pants and a matching corset, with bright red lipstick and a nose ring.

"You need to stay out of our business, Ella!" one guy sneers. "That shit had it coming to him."

"You may think that, but when you mess with him – you mess with me. I'm going to teach you all a lesson," she says calmly and looks to each guy. I'm mentally cheering her on when I see that one of them has a shotgun. The Second Amendment at work there. I step out from my hiding place, the girl's eyes flicker to me and the guys whirl around; they think I'm just another girl and ignore me.

First fatal mistake.

"We're going to show you why we're the most feared gang in our town." The leader cracked his knuckles. I stroll between them to Ella and dramatically turn to face the group.

"Three guys against one girl." I smirk. "That seems about fair."

They laugh. Second fatal mistake.

"You can't count." one of them looks around. "There are four of us."

For God sakes, doesn't James Patterson, or his minion Gabrielle what's – her –face, proof read? I roll my eyes and sock the closest guy in the jaw; he drops like a sack of bricks and I take my position again. "There, three on one. Now let's go!"

They charge at me. Third fatal mistake. I high kick Mr. Leader in the chest, breaking one of his ribs; grab the shotgun barrel from Idiot No.2 and swing it wide to crack him over the head. I look over to Ella, who is just stood there. "Run!" She raises her brow, shrugs one shoulder and calmly walks away.

Idiot No. 3 grabs my arm – so I yank it free, grab his hand and dislocate three of his fingers in one go before tapping him on the nose with my fist. He stumbles back and there's a pause before blood gushes out.

Human's are no trouble at all.

They struggle back to their feet, just asking for another beating, when one of them grabs the shotgun I dropped. My brow rises and I make a run for the trees. The scenario all seems oddly familiar, as if I've lived it a thousand times before...I can't imagine where though. There's a loud bang and tree bark explodes next to my head. Not good. I can't believe I was going to get shot for doing a _good_ deed, it's not like I've just robbed a bank or anything! I was being nice!

_BANG!_ Pain follows after that, my shoulder screams blue murder, and I trip on a root; my shoulder meets the ground and I slide down a slope, trying to grab uselessly onto something with my good arm, and into a patch of poison ivy. I lay still, peering through the vines as the boys stampede through the forest, letting off a shot every now and then. I tried to move my arm, and my wing, but both were out of commission, so the only thing I could do was get up and figure out how to catch up with Fang and Nudge.

It was in my nature to fight for the underdog, Jeb said it was my fatal flaw.

I hate it when Jeb is right!

* * *

"Fang," Nudge whined. "I'm super hungry now!"

Fang scowled, stuck his fingers in his ears and hummed 'You Are My Sunshine' while mentally undressing Iggy.

"Fang, seriously!" She yanked one hand away from his ear. Max had been gone for an hour and she still didn't understand what was going on – but it didn't matter; while Max was away Nudge could play...with Fang.

Fang rolled his eyes and banked down to the nearby caves; Nudge landed first and Fang landed almost silently beside her. The cave was dark, cold and a low growl erupted from the depths; Nudge's brow rose and she looked at Fang wide eyed. "Does it have to be this one?" He nodded and she sat, her stomach growling. Fang passed out the food and waved a chocolate bar in front of her.

"Where did you get that!" she squealed. "Were you hiding it?"

"Go get it." He threw it over the edge and Nudge dived after it; if he was lucky, she'd forget she had wings for a moment and plummet to her death.

"Why'd you do that Fang?" She landed on the ledge, munching happily. He groaned, it wasn't his day. "Hey." She smirked. "Do you have any syrup? I know something fun we can do with it." She heard the beating of large wings and turned her head to the sound, eyes growing wide. "Ugh...Fang."

Fang, with a long sigh, stepped out onto the ledge and his brow rose at the sight of the large hawks. "Sit slowly," he whispered. "Or we're bird food."

Nudge nodded and sat with Fang, shuffling to sit closer to him with a wide smile. _When God closes a door, he opens a window_. She could wait.

After what felt like an eternity, the Hawks finally relaxed, taking off into the sky and flying in tight circles. Nudge sighed, picking a scab off her knee and looked to Fang. "Do we really have to go rescue Angel? Every night she tries to sacrifice me or rip out my heart – mean, even if we _do_ have to rescue her, can I have a room to myself?"

"No, you have to share." He pointed to the Hawks. "See the way the big one moves one wing faster than the other, it makes the bank really tight and smooth – we should try it." He stood and leapt off the side before Nudge could answer. She scowled, vowing to get some action with him, and dived off after him.

Later that evening, Nudge and Fang settled down for the night. Nudge gazed at the Hawks and their fledglings, being so gentle in smoothing the feathers, and sniffled. "Fang."

"I'm asleep," he muttered.

"Those stupid birds...they have more of a Mum than I've ever had – I mean sure, I have Max...but she's not a Mum."

"Why are you using the British term for Mother?"

"I'm not sure." Nudge sat up and wiped her eyes. "Max actually sucks as a Mother, unless it's to Gazzy; and out there, somewhere, is my real Mother. Max is being so selfish by not letting me go find her!" She looked to Fang. "Don't you think, Fang?...Fang?"

A snore was the only reply. Nudge scowled and settled back down to sleep.

* * *

OMG, the Nudge/Fang chapter was so hard to write D:


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: ...you get the jist of it now, right?

* * *

Chapter Five

(AKA: Blame Fang for Everything)

Have you ever tried to weave a confusing path for your pursuers and splashed through streams to confuse said pursuers in case they have dogs – all the while possibly bleeding to death? Let's just say...the absolute worst part is trying no to slip on moss covered rocks, falling on your ass and getting soaking wet. That was the worst part...until I felt the first drop of rain on my nose.

It was getting late, the blood oozed between my fingers every time I jostled my shoulder; the bullet had scooped out a lot of flesh and bits of feather, but hadn't stuck into the bone.

This is all Fang's fault! He should have tried to stop me!

I dread to think what Angel was doing without me to stop her. Was she summoning the dark forces? Sacrificing scientists? Had she already escaped from The School and was currently terrorising poor innocents?

Then my stomach growled.

_This is __**so**__ all Fang's fault._

I was about to show the world how colourful my language was (and scream it all so loud Fang would hear me from Lake Mead) when I saw a light ahead. If it was a shed or a store, I could wait for whoever was there to leave and hide out 'til morning; but as I neared I saw a figure pass by a window. It was that Ella chick – I bet she lives with her two loving parents and five other siblings who _don't_ drive her to insanity.

The back door open and she strolled out with a blonde Labrador at her side. "Hurry it up; I don't want to get soaked." She began pacing the garden and turned her back to me while the dog sniffed the weeds; it was now or never. I took a deep breath and stepped through the bushes.

"Erm...Ella?"

She whirled around, flick knife in hand. "What do you want?"

I freeze for a moment, the fight or flight instinct kicking in – then the bullet wound reminds me of why I'm here. "I'm the girl from before."

"Oh..." She lowers her arm and studies me. "Are you ok?"

"Well...erm...a little bit of yes – but mostly no." I wince. "I had everything under control...until one of them clipped me...if you can believe that"

Her brow rises. "I can't, that asshole couldn't hit the broadside of a hippo's ass with his own hand, let alone hit a moving target with a shotgun," she snorts, and despite the attitude, I like her, she's spunky. She gives me another once over, looking a little concerned. "Are you hurt badly?"

"I think so..."

"My Mum's a vet, she can take a look; it's the least I can do." She looks to the dog. "Honey, get your ass inside!" She yells at it and follows it into the house.

"Just your mom?" I ask as I step into the light from the doorway.

"Yeah, no dad." She looks over her shoulder and her eyes grow wide. "Holy shit! You are bleeding pretty bad!"

"Ella!" A woman scolds from the other room. She opens the door and stares at me, brushing the dark hair form her eyes. "Who's this?"

"This is erm." Ella looks to me.

"Max," I say. Why didn't I give her a fake name! Stupid, stupid Fang! This is his fault too!

"Yeah. I told you about her, she gave me a hand with that asshole -"

"Ella!" The woman snaps.

"Sorry! Geez, but help her, she's injured!"

"Do you want me to call your parents?"

I stand on the mat, and lift my head slightly so she could see the scratch on my face and the lovely black eye Ari gave me. "Erm..." Her whole perspective of the situation seemed to change.

"Come inside! Take off you shoes and go with Ella to the bathroom while I grab my things."

"Even though she's a vet, she's pretty good with wounds on people too," Ella states along the way.

I'd laugh over the irony that I was about to be treated by a vet, but I was close to passing out from either a panic attack or blood loss...maybe both.

"Ella, why don't you get Max some juice, I'm sure she needs it," her mother suggests and sits me on the edge of the bathtub.

I manage a tight smile. "That would be _great_."

"Ok, mum."

Why was she using the British term for mother?

"So...I take it you don't want me to call your parents?"

"No, it's ok." Can you imagine how that conversation would go? 'Hello? Evil Lab? I'd like to speak to the mad scientists, please.'

Buuut, knowing my luck, Angel would pick up – demonic voice and all.

"Or the police?"

"Let's not bother the nice uniformed people." Who probably have a directly line to The School. "Besides, it's only a graze."

Her fingers quickly find the wound. "Yeah, but it's deep, messy and...what's this?" I stiffen as she cuts away my tank top and gently brushes the blood soaked feathers. Ella hands me a glass of juice and I almost choke on it. "Max, what is this?"

"That?" I swallow and mentally plan my escape, Uppercut Ella's mum, shove Ella's head in the toilet, make a run for it down the – wait...did I just use the British term from Mother? They're rubbing off on me already! "That's just your bog-standard wing, don't you have one?" Fang would kill me if he knew this was going on, if he _could_ kick my ass; we've never shown anyone outside of the flock our wings...so I'm freaking out here!

"So it is," she says casually, Ella's turning several shades of white. "I'll have to clean it and stitch it – when was the last time you had a tetanus?"

It's my turn to pale. "Never?"

"Ok." She smiles. "I can do that too."

* * *

"Acid?"

"Check!"

"Nail gun?"

"Check!"

"Nails too?"

"Double check! Have you got Big Boy?"

"Triple check." Iggy gently planted a kiss on the explosive device. "I love you more than Fang."

"That's creepy," Gazzy giggled. "I found some dark clothes for us to wear." He pressed a pair of bright yellow trousers and a pink shirt into Iggy's hands and changed into his own dark clothes, trying not to laugh as Iggy changed.

"So we'll check for camps, tarp the road, set up the nail guns and acid trap," Iggy summarized as he packed Big Boy, sensing Gazzy's worried expression. "Don't worry; it won't go off until I set the timer."

"That's good." Gazzy smiled, opened the window as far as it would go and leapt out.

"Come on, come on!" Gazzy wiggled impatiently from his branch, watching the Jeep in the distance navigate the winding mountain road.

"Tell me what's happening," Iggy hissed.

"Nothing ye – wait, how did we get to this point?"

"The writer can't be bothered to bridge this part with the part where we set the traps."

"That's lazy."

**Hey, I'm writing a parody here! I can't put in EVERYTHING!**

"She's got a point, Gaz."

**And if you keep complaining, Gazzy, I'll cut this part out completely!**

"I'll be good!"

Gazzy still had nightmares about The School: the pills, the injections, and the radioactive dye he was forced to swallow so they could study his blood circulation. No wonder his digestive system was so out of whack.

"The Hummer's _coming_!" Gazzy breathed and Iggy snorted.

"Why the emphasis on coming?" He chuckled. "Besides, Hummer's can't _come_ because they're the ones doing the-"

"Be serious!" Gazzy snapped, felt the corner of his mouth twitch and laughed quietly; he then turned his head to watch the scene unfold: the Humvee slid ungracefully across the tarp, brakes screeching, then tipped over the banking and rolled all the way down.

"That sounded...AWESOME!" Iggy shot to his feet, shaking the branch but managing to keep his balance. "Details – NOW!"

Gazzy grinned. "It hit the tarp, spun like Bambi on ice, dove over the edge and rolled to the bottom – it bounced a few times too."

"Signs of life?"

"Yeah, they just punched out a window; but they landed exactly where you said they would."

Iggy managed a smug smile. "Have my calculations ever been wrong? Release the acid!"

Gazzy saluted playfully and tugged the wire next to him; seconds later howls and screams were heard below. The pair high-fived and took off into the air. They soon arrived at an old log cabin, built around eighty years ago and abandoned thirty years ago; Iggy sat on a broken lawn chair and seemed to gaze around the room, even though he couldn't see a thing.

"If I remember right...this place was a crap hole." He sniffed the air. "You can tell we haven't been here in ages and...I think something's died in the bathroom."

"Raccoon, probably," Gazzy sighed. "So what now?"

Iggy opened the bag and gently ran his fingers over Big Boy. "We should head back to the house, plan for the next attack and-" He suddenly cocked his head to one side, the faintest sound of brushes rustling echoed in his ears, and he slowly stood.

"Another raccoon?" Gazzy suggested weakly and Iggy's brow rise at him. "Or maybe -" Scratching against the door cut him off and his breath caught in his chest.

" Fe-fi-fo-fum!" A raspy voice penetrated the wooden door. "I smell the fear of bird kid scum!"

"Ha-ha, good one, Steve."

"Shut up, Brian!" Steve sighed. "Now you've ruined the mood..."

"Sorry Steve..."

"Whatever. Just start breaking shit."

"Up and away," Iggy said softly, so softly that Gazzy wasn't sure of he heard it. The Erasers began smashing the windows and throwing themselves against the door; Gazzy stood rigid in his fighting stance. "On three..."

Where did he plan on going? Gazzy wondered. There was no other way out.

"One..."

Gazzy tensed.

"Two..."

The Erasers broke the door down.

"Three!" Iggy leapt up and crashed through the roof; Gazzy was just a wing flap behind him. Iggy dropped Big Boy into the cabin and pulled Gazzy to a safe distance. Seconds later the cabin exploded and a mushroom cloud shot into the air; Gazzy's eye grew wide and Iggy cupped his hands around his ears. "I love the sound of flying shrapnel in the evening," he let out a content sigh. "They're all dead, right?"

Gazzy gazed far below, an Eraser had shot into the air during the explosion and had probably landed in a broken heap somewhere in the trees, and there were bits of another in the bushes, in the trees and...well...everywhere. "Yeah...they're all dead." He suddenly grinned. "We should totally make another one of those!"

* * *

Sorry this took so long, I've been super busy!


	6. Chapter 6

Wow, it's been so long since I last updated! :O Forgive me, I've been working, doing course work and working on my own book. I haven't given up on this, promise :)

Disclaimer: I love writing this, so don't sue me.

* * *

Chapter Six

Nudge tossed and turned, tossed and turned, tossed and turned – but no matter where she rolled she always ended up in a sticky white puddle.  
"This is all Max's fault," she huffed and sat up. "Fang, I'm- " she stopped mid-sentence of her own free will (for the first time in her life). Where was Fang? She dove out of the cave, almost falling over the edge of the cliff, and searched frantically, all two feet of the ledge. "Fang! Fang, darling, where are you!"

"Shut up, Nudge!" His voice came from the distance. He gracefully circled the sky with the Hawks and Nudge drooled, taking in his slender form and his short, choppy hair in the wind. Nudge shot off into the sky and over to Fang with her arms spread wide to embrace him; he bolted straight up and she slammed into a Hawk. The large bird let out an angry squawk and backhanded her with its wing.

"Hawk bitch-slap." Fang folded his arms and his face tried to contort into an amused smile.

"I'm hungry," she whined.

"Surprise, surprise." He rolled his eyes.

"And that really hurt."

"Cry me a river." He dove gracefully and banked as smoothly as a plane. Nudge tried to mimic him...and fell into the lake.

After mugging a helpless employee of Macburgerchicken, and tossing him head first into the dumpster, the pair flew back to the cave and stuffed themselves silly.

"That's the greasiest salad I've ever had," Nudge muttered.

"It's the _only_ salad you've ever had," Fang quipped and swallowed his twentieth burger without chewing.

"Well, since Max won't be back for, hopefully, a long time – I figured I should watch my figure while I try to seduce you."

Fang choked on the twenty-fourth burger and quickly stood. "We need to find Max."

* * *

Things go _so _much smoother when they go your way; Angel learnt this very quickly. After 'persuading' Reilly to untie her she, with the grace only a demonic Avian-Hybrid could have, rounded up the White Coats and set them to work. She was content, until she was interrupted. The roaming White Coat stepped confidently into the converted gym and gazed around the room; the other White Coats were forced to partake in their own experiments, but at the far end, Reilly was strung up against the wall in a crucified position, still in his priest garb. Below a large group of White Coats formed a bulky shape; one was stood at the back of the group with his arms stretched out at either side with a black candle in each hand, another, at the front, was stuffed into a dog crate with an Eraser at either side. Sat on the bulky shape, feet propped up on the dog crate, sat a familiar demonic bird-kid.

The White Coat smiled. "I've missed you Kiddo."

Angel, sat on her White Coat throne, gripped the heads acting as armrests and growled. "You've got some nerve, Jeb."

* * *

"FANG!" Nudge shouted for the thousandth time in a second, but the older boy's fingers wouldn't budge from his ears. She sighed and gazed down at the world below, spotting a familiar name on a sign. _Tipisco?_ "That's the place my parents are from! Fang, I'm going down there and you can't stop me!"

"Have fun."

"Max'll kill you if I die," she growled.

"Doubt it. Have fun."

Nudge, close to tears flew down and around Tipisco until she found the address on her file; she stared at the majestic building with more rooms than she could count, a luxury outside pool with bar and valet parking, and pressed her hands to her chest dramatically as she landed across the street. "My parents are rich! It's about time I had a break!"

Fang landed silently next to her. "No, that's the Hilton Hotel."

"Damn." Her shoulders slumped. "I thought you weren't going to follow me?"

"I had a good think about it, and you were right."

Her eyes sparkled with joy. "Really?"

"Yeah, I can't stop you; plus Ari is over there and it might be funny to watch him rip you to pieces."

"WHAT!"

"You saw me?" Ari popped up from behind a bush.

Fang shrugged. "You never were good at hide and seek."

Ari's eyes narrowed. "You bastard."

"You have beautiful eyes." Fang batted his eyelids; Ari was thrown by the compliment.

"Says who?"

"James Patterson." Nudge pulled out her copy of The Angel Experiment. "Page 151, after Fang says 'pinwheel'."

"Yeah...but...Fang doesn't say it in the book."

"You have yet to comprehend how twisted this writer is," Nudge sighed. "But at least this plot line will make more sense than the actual book."

"Oh..." The young boy blushed. "So...do I really have beautiful eyes, or are you just saying that because the writer told you to?"

"Of course not!" Fang placed his hands on the not-so-small boy's face. "You do have the most beautiful, sighted eyes I've ever seen – but we cannot be together, our love is too taboo!"

Nudge sighed. "This is gross..."

"No!" Tears filled Ari's eyes. "Let me kill the others and we can live in the mountains together! The house burnt down but we can rebuild it!"

Fang lovingly caressed his cheek. "I'm afraid not, my love."

"Alright...but one last question? What does 'pinwheel' mean?"

Fang grinned – or tried to. "Conveniently placed paint tin."

"What?"

As Fang jumped back, Nudge grabbed the conveniently placed paint tin and threw it at the young boy, covering him in flamingo pink paint. "Suits you." Nudge grinned and the pair took off into the air. "We should go home now and snuggle together for warmth tonight."

"Nooo," Fang replied flatly. "I think we'll keep looking for Max."

* * *

I woke up to the familiar smell of chemicals and to a strange machine hovering over me; I panicked, bolted upright and hit my head on said strange machine. "Ow, son of a bitch..."

"Language, Max." Ella's Mum (again with the British term!), Dr. Martinez smiled from the door.

"You've double crossed me, haven't you!" I growl and watch as she takes a tub out of a carrier bag. "What do you have there?" A fabulous smell filled the room. Dr. Martinez came over to me, chocolate chip cookie in hand, and wafted it under my nose.

"Fresh out of the oven, and there's more if you tell me who you are, what kind of trouble you're in and if you let me take an x-ray."

My shirt is soaked with drool in seconds. "Deal!" I'm a sucker for baked goods. I snatch the cookie from her hand and munch happily, as she takes the x-ray. "My full name is Maximum Ride, there are five more just like me and we're experiments of this place called The School; Jeb saved us and then died a few years ago – at least, that's what I like to think, it's better than saying he just walked out on us."

"All done!" She smiles. "You did very well, Max." She places the x-ray on the screen and admires my gorgeous bones.

"I have thinner bones, more muscle and a stronger heart; plus I recover faster than most, but I need to eat LOADS, which is hard in a house full of teenage boy who are in their 'I'll eat anything in any combination' stage. One time, Iggy put whipped cream on a hotdog – that should be a crime against nature."

"This is unusual..." she muses and taps a small spot on the x-ray.

"What is it?" I come out of Nudge-Mode and stare at the white square.

"It looks like a chip, the kind we put in pedigree dogs; they can be tracked from anywhere at any time."

I choke on my cookie.

* * *

I hope the Fari wasn't too OTT; I had hand written this chapter last night and when I typed it up it was coming out WAY too short for my liking - so the Fari was a last minute addition along with the Max bit.

I've never actually read Fari, can anyone recommend some?


	7. Chapter 7

DZMom, as in DZMom from Max-Dan-Wiz! Wow, first St. Fang and now you; I feel so honoured :) All Anti's are welcome to critique, as I love you all x

Disclaimer: ...I'M BETTER AT THIS THAN JP! I think...I hope :P

* * *

Chapter Seven

Imagine if you will a look of sheer horror on my face; now amplify that by a thousand. That's my facial expression. A tracking device in my _arm_; no way anything good could come of this for me. I thrust my arm at her.

"Take. It. Out." My eyes narrow darkly.

"I'm not saying that's what it is..." she trails off.

"Don't care. Take it out."

"Max," she sighs. "It was implanted while you were young, all the tissue and muscle has grown around it now; if I try, I may permanently damage your arm."

To a normal person, that may sound like a convincing argument – but I'm _not_ a normal person; I'm Maximum – ass kicking – Ride, and no White Coat is getting the better of me! I grab the nearest draw and yank it open, trying to find a scalpel.

"Max?"

"If you won't take it out, _I_ will."

"You can't!" She grabs both my wrists. "It's too dangerous! You'll kill yourself!"

I open my mouth to retort with one of my many sarcastic and witty comebacks, when an echo of dangerously smooth voices penetrates the door. I freeze. My heart begins to race and Dr. Martinez's eyes soften with worry. I turn my head half an inch and she shoves me into a closet full of lab coats. I'd make some remark about irony, but I'm too busy trying not to crap myself.

"Can I help you, gentlemen?" Dr. Martinez asks when two men with good looks and model physiques step inside; she doesn't look impressed.

"We're with a Government agency and just wanted to ask you a few questions." One of them smiles. His teeth hare perfectly white and can become perfectly dangerous in an instant. "Have you seen any unusual people – strangers – or animals?"

"Why yes, I have." My jaw drops. She's going to rat me out! "There's a man, at the bus stop every morning, with a head noticeably larger than it should be; and the other day I treated a cat with three testicles. Does that help?" she sneers, every word oozing venom.

"Oh, cat!" One looks to the other. "Can we eat it, Jim?"

"No, Stew..." Jim sighs. "If you see anything..."

"I'll be sure to ignore it." She smiles tightly. "Now get the fuck out of my room." She literally kicks them out and slams the door behind them, and after a few moments, she opens the door for me. "Time to go home." She smiles.

* * *

"You're shitting me!" Ella's mouth slackens after I finish telling her about what happened at the surgery. "She kicked them both out?" I nod and she laughs. "That's fucking awesome! I would have had them shitting themselves too, but-" She's cut off by a kitchen knife flying just inches past her nose and slamming into the wall, the handle wobbling as the vibrations settle. Our gaze slowly switches from each other, to the blade and to Dr. Martinez.

"You watch your mouth, young lady!"

"Yes Mum," Ella mutters and silence falls over the kitchen. I nibble on a cookie.

"I...have to leave tomorrow," I say slowly and Dr. Martinez's shoulders slump.

"Alright." Ella nods. "It's been cool having you here...and...Well, I'm not going say something sappy – like saying you're my sister or something – 'cause that's just..."

"Lame." I nod too.

"Will you...at least come visit?"

I think about it for a moment. Jeb had always told me to act with my head – not my emotions, but since when do I listen to him? I grin. "Sure."

Her Mom is suddenly standing beside me, offering me a spare kitchen knife. "Let me teach you a few things before you go."

* * *

Nudge couldn't get over what Ari had said. The house was gone – did that include Iggy and Gazzy too? Moreover, what had happened to Max? Was she, and Angel, dead too? Was it really such a bad thing? _No_, she thought with a smile; because if they were all gone she'd have Fang to herself. No more bed, no more clothes, no more TV, but it didn't matter as long as she had Fang.

The quiet boy landed a few minutes later, brow rising as Nudge smiled. "What?"

"Just found a bright side to all of this."

"If it involves me in some sexual way, I'm feeding you to the Hawks." He pulled a tin foil package from his pocket.

"You went to town? It's miles away!" She sat up with a grin.

He shook his head and began separating the meat and the vegetables from the kebob. "Scared the crap out of some stoned campers. No big deal."

"Do you...think everyone is dead?" she asked around a pepper.

"I hope not." Fang gazed into the distance, his eyes softening sadly. Nudge's heart skipped a beat. "Oh look, there's Iggy and Gazzy."

"What!" Her head whipped to the side and the next thing she knew, Iggy and Fang were embracing. She let out a disgruntled groan. "You're not dead..."

"Well 'hello' to you too." Iggy frowned and Fang sighed.

"Gaz', can you shut her up? I've been putting up with this for days."

"Aye, aye!" The small boy saluted and let rip next to Nudge. She passed out and Gazzy eyed the tin foiled food. "So, what are we eating?"

* * *

I don't do sappy goodbyes, luckily neither do Ella and her Mom. Dr. Martinez gives me a sweatshirt and an old bag with some food in and the three of us quickly embrace; they're pretty cool, for humans, so as a token of gratitude I leap into the air and unfurl my thirteen foot wings and don't look back until they're nothing but specks in the distance. I didn't need to see they're awed expressions, I know how awesome I am. Flying is damn painful, every motion feels like I've been shot all over again, but I work through it and an hour and a half later I've worked out most of the kinks and scar tissue.

An hour after that I had reached the meeting spot, my stomach tight with worry. I was two days late – which is totally Fang's fault for not stopping me – and I couldn't help but wonder if they'd gone on without me; but in the distance, just as the thought had past, I could see four large birds in the distance. As I near, Gazzy grins and waves while disappointment flashes across Nudge's face for a split second. Fang motions down to a cliff edge and we follow him down, landing softly; Nudge's arms wrap around me tightly.

"Max! I was soooo worried, Fang was so mean to me while you were gone; I went to look for my Mother and he was going to leave me for dead!"

"WHAT!" My sight snaps from the top of Nudge's head to him, forgetting all about the passing look she gave me.

"I...didn't think you'd...mind?" he explains lamely, but his tone doesn't quiver.

"Didn't think I'd mind!" I push Nudge away and advance on him. "Do you really think I'd let you get away with it, and leave me out numbered three to one!" I reach behind my back for my knife, planning to put my new skills to some use.

"She's been making moves on me, can you blame me?" he mutters loud enough for me, and probably Iggy, to hear. I process this new information and relax. "Forgiven." I turn to Iggy and Gazzy with the intent to vent my anger at them. "I though I told you to stay at home?"

"We couldn't, they came after us!" Gazzy whines and gives me 'the eyes'.

"How? How did they know you were around?"

Gazzy looks up at Iggy sheepishly. "Was it the oil-slick acid trap?" My brow rises as Iggy rubs his chin. "Or the bomb?"

"BOMB!"

"We had some left over plutonium." Iggy shrugs. "But yeah, that's probably what pissed them off."

"But it was either them or us!" Gazzy suddenly looks fierce. "It was only a matter of time before the found us at the house – they probably knew where it was in the first place!"

I hadn't even thought of that and guilt grabs my heart, squeezing it tightly. I pull Gazzy into a hug. "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry, I was so caught up with your stupid demonic sister that I hadn't thought about your safety." I run my hand through his hair. "Forgive me?"

"Of course." He grins.

I smile then look to Iggy. "What are you wearing?"

"Clothes," he retorts. "What are you wearing?"

"I mean the colour, dipshit."

"Black..." he trails off and his unseeing eyes seem to shift to Gazzy. "You...little..."

"I have some spare clothes," Fang steps in. "You can wear them."

"Thanks Fang." Iggy frowns and steps into the cave with him.

Ten minutes later (I don't know why it took him ten minutes to change clothes), we're off to save Angel.

* * *

I don't think there was anything particularly funny, I guess this is more of a filler than anything. Anyway, Ari returns next chapter with a fresh new hair colour!


End file.
